I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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