Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
