We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
