Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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