You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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