Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
