You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
