I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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