At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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