he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize