I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
