Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
