Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Damn victory sex feels great
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
