apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
