i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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