Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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