My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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