I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
