note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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