there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
