Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
