areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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