Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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