please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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