I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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