My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
