My sheets look like a crime scene.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
