I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
