I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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