how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
they're like a gay fantastic four
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
