the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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