I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
third nipple confirmed
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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