Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
