Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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