Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
