R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
