we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize