if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
