i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
