I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
