I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
