You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
