I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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