whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
