i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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