So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
