omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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