you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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