Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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