My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
