tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
