He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The beer is more important than you right now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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