Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
