So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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