was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize