Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We're too hungover to prance.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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