Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
