My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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