i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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