if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
