I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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