Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
