we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
