she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
