I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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