Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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