i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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