i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
