my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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