the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
