If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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