if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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