Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize