I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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