6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
