can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
