Moan for me like Helen Keller
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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