Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
