And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
