think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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