She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My cat gives me a boner
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
