I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
