well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
