Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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