You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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