would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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