I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she looked like the before picture.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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