just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
