I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
